It has been almost half a year since I last updated this blog. For a long time, I had no inspiration to write (Writer’s block. What’s new). And now that I do, at the very beginning of the year, it is a dark thing (sort of) to share. Just a few days ago, after removing my contact lenses, I spotted a white dot on my iris. It was so minuscule that I had thought it was just reflection of the light in my eye. But the light didn’t move. Even after shading my eyes from the light the white speck remained. Being the worry-wart that I am, and with the technology to feed my frenzied state of mind, I googled to find out what exactly was the white spot.
It was corneal ulcer. The tell-tale sign of corneal ulcer is a white spot on one’s iris, usually accompanied by irritation. As written online, and told by the eye doctor, it is a form of infection usually caused by prolonged use of contact lenses over time. If left untreated, it could lead to blindness. On this note, I urge everyone to be very careful in examining your eyes when you remove your contacts if your eyes are hurting. It had been rather painful for a few days on and off but I just took no notice, until I think it was pretty much by chance I detected it. For it was so very tiny. I was really blessed to have discovered it before it consumed my sight.
Fortunately for me, it appears that I recovered very rapidly with the medicated eyedrops the doctor gave me. It took just a few hours for the white fleck to disappear. But according to the doctor, it also takes only a few hours for some people to lose their sight from corneal ulcer. I was lucky because age was on my side. Being relatively young, I healed quickly.
Unfortunately, I was advised against wearing contact lenses ever again. Because even if I can recover now, once I return to using contact lenses, the condition will reappear. So the only two options left were, Lasik or glasses for life. Besides the fact that I must admit, I am incredibly vain so I really wouldn’t like to wear glasses for life. And my degree of about 400 per eye doesn’t allow me to walk about like a perfectly-sighted human being in public. Furthermore, how can I act when I can’t see people’s expressions clearly? So there is no other way. I can only opt for Lasik.
BUT! I have an irrational fear of Lasik. I remember I’ve read once, in the news, many years before, of this person going blind from a failed operation. The terrible news seared into my memory. Even though the papers stated that such incidences occur only 1 in every thousand cases, I was still horrified. How horrendously cursed to be the unfortunate 1000th person! People tell me to chill, relax, stop fretting, you can’t be so unlucky. Well, even the main protagonists of certain dramas lose their sights and maybe even die. I just can’t help but be terribly negative when it comes to my eyes. I believe in my past life I must have been blinded to death. Don’t laugh at me, I really do think so. Imagine, if one loses his or her sight, the things that they will be hindered from doing. I won’t be able to type out any more words on my PC, and obviously I won’t be able to act, I won’t even be able to function normally, at least for a while till I pull myself together again. If I ever pull myself together. Alright, I know my negativity is hitting the roof here. But I just have to let it out. It may be the last time I’m writing. Alright, I know, I’m melodramatic.
Anyway, the Lasik operation is tomorrow morning, just hours away. If all goes well, I will definitely be updating my blog as soon as my eyes are well enough to see the words that I type. After all, I will be stuck at home with not much to do besides memorising my script for the next two weeks. So, best of luck for me tomorrow! In the mean time, I will try my best to kick out all the nightmarish scenarios inundating my head.